Sometimes, from time to time... rarely... I feel the need to update my LJ.

And then, when I finally decide to write something, I don't know what to write about. And a nearly blank entry would be a waste.

So... let's see. I'm in school, I'm a senior, everything relating school is hard and complicated, and we feel like we were tricked into believing 11th grade would be the hardest of all when it wasn't. And stuff.

In other news... I fell into a bandwagon and watched Sherlock, both series. And I loved it. Lots. And got the biggest crush on Martin Freeman. And I was sobbing so hard with Reichenbach, and now I'm impatiently waiting for what comes next. Also, while I can't ship Watson and Holmes in the original stories, God, in Sherlock the ship basically sails alone. 

Also, I read The Atlantis Complex, finally. While it definitely isn't my favorite of the series, it was good, and... well, Orion. And Bivouacs. And noble horses. I'll cry so much when I read The Last Guardian. You know, for a lot of people, Harry Potter was their childhood and felt like a whole part of their lives finished with the second part of Deathly Hallows. My Harry Potter phase kind of died with the final book, never was a big big big fan of the movies. Artemis Fowl occupied big part of my childhood/life and it's ending. 

... actually, now... I'm not sure of how much that I'm writing/will write in this post I have already said before. But life is like that, isn't it? We go on a routine, repeating everything we've already done. 

I advanced another step with Tolkien's world; I read The Hobbit, and found it miles easier to read than Lord of the Rings. And because I'm a sentimental crybaby, I teared up at the end. With how much Bilbo changes from start to finish, and... well, I want to reread Lord of The Rings. 

Momoiro Clover (Z) is wonderful and Mouretsu Uchuu etclongtitleetc proves it. In a poll on arama/tokyohive that showed results of 'Idol group who will have their big break this year', they ranked 2nd, just behind Nogizaka46. And my babies S/mileage were 9th or 10th. In this, frankly, I'm hoping it's Momoiro Clover who'll be big this year. They deserve it.

uhm... what else, what else... While I was folding clothes a while ago, I was thinking on how I've had this journal since... what? oh, July, 2007. This one. I know I had a couple of LJs before, from like, 2006. And wow that's a long time. Considering I'm only 17... LJ and putting my thoughts into this has been around... 35% of my life. Which is a lot. I think. When I'm older, I'll read every entry here and reminisce about the ... who am I kidding? I won't be able to read half a word of the oldest entry because I'll die in shame at my writing from that time. God, I already do so. If today I were to create a new account and leave this one behind... I can't use simple_gnommish again, so I'd go with magical_bivouacs. Or just bivouacs. Heck, I'll go create that account immediately, just in case!

But yeah, the case is that I've been recording my life, or bits of it, seeing how I barely updated last year, for a long time, and... it feels nice to have feelings stored somewhere.

... I completely lost track of what I was going to write. Not that it would change the fact that this entry is pure nonsense. 
Anyway, that was all. If I get inspired again, I'll return later and do another entry. Mind you, that later can mean anything from later today, to later on the week, later on the month, year, etc. No promises.

... asdflasjdsljkfds I need new icons. 

also known as 'Itze should not be dwelling on these kind of thoughts much.' 

For the past twelve years, I've lived on Panama. Being here since I was five... I don't really know other home.

Yet, for the whole of those twelve years, I've known I wouldn't stay here forever: My dream has always been to study college in Mexico, where I'm supposed to be from.

And I've always thought... I've always thought it'd would be easy for me to leave this country. Easy to begin a new life there. Why wouldn't it, I'm sure my mother thinks, after all, I'm more mexican than anything, my whole family is mexican, I've been raised with mexican customs... it'd should be easy.

But then... I've got a year or so left here. And it's not easy at all. Yes technically I'm a foreigner to everything Panamanian. But then again, most of my friends are here. And I care for them a lot. I love them a lot. And being how I am I have no idea how I'm going to do in Mexico without them. Even though I'm sure that probably I don't matter that much to a lot of them. Even though I'm not sure they know how much I love them... Mother says there'll be so much to do, visit, so much family, I won't miss them that much, but I'm not that sure of that. Really, I am not sure of that at all. 

Either way, I'm graduating this year. Either way I'd stop seeing most of my friends as frequently. Perhaps what I'm afraid of is growing up? No, that's a fact. But then couple it with moving to a country you barely know, a place the most you've been in is a few months at a time, and always as an outsider. It feels even more scarier. 

I'm beginning to think the fact I can't decide, for the sake of everything I love, what to study, it's a defense mechanism of my mind. Perhaps deep inside I believe that if I can't decide that, then the future will never come? I don't know, that's not logical. But deep inside, I think that's what I'm doing.

and then I do wonder how it went for both Kalvin and Tang. They had to go through similar things, huh. Though they aren't from the USA, and English wasn't their mother tongue. At least in Mexico we use Spanish. ... I really should ask them about their experience. But then again, I know I won't do it. I barely talk about deep, important things. It's so hard. Like, feelings? Feeling sad, disappointed at something or someone? Never mind, that kind of feeling doesn't exist for me. They simply don't. I ignore them until they become overwhelming and then they make me cry. Like the feeling of loneliness and fear of the future I'm feeling right now. But other than here, in a journal probably no one will read, I won't show them.

To talk about feelings is so hard for me... Like, I can't even get myself to tell the person I feel it's the closest to me that I consider them my best friend and that I love them and that I'm so grateful about their existence. And you know, usually that is a nice feeling to have. I did tell another good friend of mine how much I love her and how happy I am about their friendship, but then again she did send a message expressing similar things first.

And I don't know why is so difficult to show those feelings; I mean, it's not like I was about proposing marriage to someone, huh. 

ok, I must have vented enough, because I'm left without anything else to write down. 

ps. lol journal where nobody will read this. I've finished posting this to tumblr too. 

Because ever since I woke up, I've had Sungoi My Birthday stuck in my mind.

And, today's my birthday! I've turned seventeen! And, well. Nice feeling that only happens once I year. I practically haven't stopped smiling since... like two hours ago. I'm ha~ppy!

Now, remembering... Three years ago, I was sulking because I had to go camping the day after my birthday. Two years ago, my mother and sister had to go to an Scouting event after my birthday. Last year, I woke up at a Scout Camp on my birthday! And I was weeping internally. Though I had, for the first time, people congratulating me in person the day of my birthday. So it wasn't so bad.

And today I finally spend my birthday without worrying for those things. And it's a nice, relaxing feeling °u° 

This is probably, however, the last birthday I spend in this country. Somehow, it's nostalgic too... And well, hmm, I'll probably receive no gifts from my parents. I highly doubt it. Unless they have some surprise planned for me. And the chances for that are null. Meh. 

But anyway, it's sunny today and looks like a nice day! So I'll try my best at enjoying fully this day! Yay! 

Earlier today I finished my... what, seventh book from Isabel Allende. Which was Inés of My Soul. As pictured here: